This letter it extremely difficult for me to write…but, it’s time we moved on. We are toxic to each other, and that’s not healthy for my future. Don’t get me wrong; I will always appreciate the good times we had together. After all, we were a growing year, weren’t we?
As a wise companion, and without my knowledge, you skillfully allowed the time and space necessary for me to grow and understand what I want and what I need. You also graciously provided the crucial support systems I needed during difficult periods of “growth.” As a friend, you revealed some pretty fun parts of me I didn’t know existed. Like my new-found loves of guitar, ‘chewy’ wine collecting, yoga, live music, cheap sunglasses, and spicy jalapeno margaritas. As my coach, you encouraged my internal strength under the most pressing of circumstances, and cheered me on as I accomplished goal after goal sans ideal conditions…
Perhaps most importantly, you revealed that it is okay to accept the undesirable actions of others. Most of these moments are not a reflection on who I am as a person. Many times they are simply a manifestation of the troubles they are going through [it truly is not all about me after all…tough life lesson ;)]. In this lesson, you also taught me how much energy I gave to the negatives, and how rarely I stopped to acknowledge the good things going on around me. I learned how to express my gratitude more often to those who demonstrated kindness, and I will continue to do so. Nevertheless, many times I allowed the negatives to overshadow the positives, but it enabled me to accept my insecurities and quirks – to own them – because those smudges and diamonds are what make me, me. That is a beautiful thing.
2014, you taught me how to trust my friends. That it is a demonstration of strength, not of weakness, to be vulnerable around people. I learned how to be proud of my self-worth, and to stop selling myself short. You showed me how much I have to offer and to give – to those in my life, but especially to myself. Not to mention how far I can push – and pull – even when I believe there’s no power or hope of effort left in my tank.
Well, like I said before, our relationship has fulfilled its purpose. You showed me that I don’t have to live with the shadow of incomplete love, or the feeling of inadequacy in my life. Now I believe I don’t have to settle for anything less than my highest expectations, and I do not have to restrict or negate my best interests in the name of selflessness. This year I felt the magic of feeling supported in a job I love, the gratitude and the comfort of fully trusting someone, and the mysteries of feeling completely loved again. I met someone inspiring…2015.
2015 and I will accomplish great things together. 2014, even with all the good things we experienced together…the time has come for you to go F*** yourself (quote of the year, apparently!). I have outgrown you. It is time for 2015 and I to have our way with the world.
New Year, Better Me. Cheers!
With an open heart,
~Page in 2015
“The ultimate lesson all of us must learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others, but ourselves as well.”
– E. Kubler-Ross
New Year’s Resolutions:
Every year I plan on writing down my resolutions, and I always forget because I think they’re ridiculous. BUT, 2014 was a year of growth and change…SO, I’m writing down some goals and aspirations I have already started working on. I think it’s important to hold myself accountable and continue to work toward these goals in 2015.
- Read for pleasure: the books in my personal library need some good ol’ fashion page turnin’. With graduate school and work, carving out time to read for FUN is sometimes downright impossible. But I’ve already started making reading a bigger priority…and I want to continue to do so.
- Achieve some athletic dreams: PR in a Half-Ironman and finally finish a full Ironman. Maybe qualify for Boston again…but truthfully I would like to travel and run marathons in different states.
- Write more often: …because it makes me happy.
- Get some real guitar lessons: I am not great at teaching myself!
- Travel more often: ….because wanderlust.
Continue trusting in people, their abilities, their decisions, and their hearts.